Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Constancy is for the weak

Although my readers rarely chime in with constructive criticism (when this does begin to happen, prepare for erc to wield her "delete comment" key with the force of a thousand mouse-clicks), someone once mentioned to me that it might be nice if I devised some sort of regular installment. While the only regularity I've established thus far is a smattering of quasi-funny conversations with Mom and a detestable penchant for linking my own posts, this actually seems like a good habit to pick up. The guys over at Yesterday's Salad do a great job, bringing you titillating columns like Word of the Day and Who Should Write Superman?

So, with the intention of finally fulfilling this blog's hastily chosen name, I bring you the first regular feature at erc: THINGS I WON'T MISS ABOUT NEW HAVEN. It's timely (I'm graduating in one month), relevant (according to sitemeter, most of my readers live in the Elm City), and, of course, a pleasant outlet for my favorite pastime--things have gotten a little too mushy here at erc (see last post).

Without further ado:
1. The stupid weather: Much like the zombie schizophrenics who lumber up and down Elm Street, New Haven weather is simultaneously unpredictable and unpleasant, often changing from sixty degrees and sunny to forty and freezing in the course of a miserable morning.
2. Arriving at Union Station: Even typing the words "final stop" gives me the chills.
3. Koffee Too?: As much as I support local business, this place smells like moldy diapers.
4. Yale Post Office Workers: Speaking of diapers, the surly Star Jones look-a-like who runs the package counter recently taped a picture of her baby, lying in a disturbing playboy-type pose on a blanket, so that it faces away from her and towards the line, thus compelling me to stare at it for five minutes.
5. The jocky guy in the Davenport gym who changes the channel while I'm watching Jeopardy: The next time you climb onto the treadmill for your ten minute jog and flip to Laguna Beach, I'm going to rip your UnderArmour t-shirt off your back and strangle you with it.

20 comments:

Dash said...

The things I hate most about New Haven are 1)the total absence of grocery stores in the downtown area. 2) The New Haven Advocate--at best a scandal rag. 3) That my Labrynth purchases do not count towards my $100 spent at Labrynth in New York. 4) The lack of a serious Axis and Allies league. That last one is sadly a problem for most of the known world.

Herman Furry Paws said...

Funny you should mention #4, since ERC and I are ACTUALLY in an Axis and Allies league in New Haven. DON'T YOU WISH YOU KNEW SON.

As it were, I went to Yale once - five years ago - and the weather was shitty but everything else was nice, especially the one starbucks I went to and some random asian food place near some kinda decent record store. does that make any sense? there is such a place right?

elmrockcity said...

There are quite a few random asian places, but only one crap record store, and it's not really by anything but the yale bookstore.

Unless you might Ivy Noodle, which is sort of across the intersection from Cutlers, and SUCKS.

6. IVY NOODLE: NOTHING GOOD HERE.

mr. wrongway said...

the tough leather crowd at rudy's?

elmrockcity said...

7. The metal bands at Rudy's

Isaac said...

I kinda like the carts up at SOM and down by the med school.... One guy gave me two free samosas yesterday!

Also, Club Med definitely has it's cons, but overall I'm a fan of what it does/means/represents.

#1 hate: walking 20 minutes to do laundry or buy groceries. Kills me every time. Also, getting my laundry STOLEN out of the dryers near the Shaws. That's just depressing. What did my socks ever do to deserve that?

Mark B. said...

ugh i hate when they change the channel at the gym and then watch it for <5 minutes...

Herman Furry Paws said...

Maybe it was Ivy Noodle. That sounds right. I don't know. I was young and certainly impressionable. It was probably/definitely one of these experiences: "IS THIS WHERE YALE KIDS EAT MEALS?!? I AM DA ILLEST!@!#!#!"

Herman Furry Paws said...

Axis and Allies is a game for geeks. I was joking when I said you and I are in a league, we clearly are not. However, if you warm up to the idea, holler at a bunny.

Beneficent Allah said...

I miss the sunday indian brunch buffet in the trailer far down chapel st. I know that New Haven indian food superlative contests often end in violence...but really its the best.

elmrockcity said...

This isn't a forum for things you MISS about New Haven!

chad said...

I might be reeling from fever-induced delirium, but Ivy Noodle is fantastic; and, deep down, I think you know it. The food is super cheap (a lesson from the Guandong sweat-shops?) and T-A-S-T-Y (see: pork-fried rice, fried wontons, steamed dumplings), and they never close.

And a caveat about 7: YOU FUCKING LOVE RUDY'S. Dare I say the terrible bands are part of its divey charm?

Hate on things that DESERVE to be hated, like the aggressive homeless population (NO I will NOT give you four more dollars! BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS!!!!!), and my conspicuous absence.

mr. wrongway said...

Chad you're mixed up man. everything at ivy noodle tastes like the same three letters. Divey charm, charming dive, still filled with some uncharming divers. What do you expect from people without homes, to ask for less money? They could just rob you fair and square. Plus erc works for the homeless--it'd be like hating your boss.

chad said...

The pork-fried rice genuinely tastes like its namesake, but I'll concede to you the similarities between dumplings and wontons. Still, MSG is a flavor "enhancer," not a flavor.

And being robbed fair and square? Yikes... I should probably save my anti-Marxist riposte for a different forum.

Herman Furry Paws said...

Elm -
I didn't even notice this before - but if you have a problem with Laguna Beach...well, I'm drunk. But the royal we has a problem with you.
-HFP

mr. wrongway said...

Chad, MSG enhances food to taste a certain way--
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umami

fair and square was incendiary.

chad said...

Thank you, but I'm aware:

(also from Wikipedia) "Umami is now the commonly used term by taste scientists [for savoriness]... Examples of food containing these free glutamates (and thus strong in the savoury taste) are parmesan and roquefort cheese as well as soy sauce and fish sauce. It is also found in significant amounts in various unfermented foods such as walnuts, grapes, broccoli, tomatoes, and mushrooms, and to a lesser degree in meat."

Would you agree that, despite the presence of umami, permesan, roquefort, soy sauce, fish sauce, walnuts, grapes, broccoli, tomatoes, mushrooms and meat taste different from each other?

mr. wrongway said...

No, soy sauce tastes like grape juice...but seriously all the food at ivy noodle tastes the same.

Beneficent Allah said...

Chadrick:

I think the three letters Wrongway was referring to were "A-S-S"

(i.e. "tastes like ass")

Beneficent Allah said...

ps ass and fish sauce and roqueford all taste the same, with or without MSG, with or without Ivy Noodle. An ass + roqueford souffle is to die for.