Tuesday, January 16, 2007


It's a rare romance story that brings a tear to my eye, but this "Vows" in the Times, about a neurotic misanthrope with a double chin who lands a Carrie Fisher look-a-like, was truly fantastic. A sampling of quotes and descriptions that characterize the rosy-cheeked groom:
“I don’t like human beings,” he said, only half in jest. “I’m bothered by real and perceived slights, and I hold grudges for billions of years.”

Over their first summer break he sent her newsletters and mix tapes. But she didn’t get the message.

He gave her the silent treatment, for the next four years.

Mr. Mandel’s response was to write “a ‘Seinfeld’ episode about her,” he said. “It’s the modern equivalent of a Shakespeare sonnet.” He explained that in the episode, called “Bizarro Jerry,” Jerry Seinfeld dates a woman with “man hands.”

Essentially this man is me, give or take a few hundred pounds. Which means there is hope for erc yet...


yayce said...

'"There's nothing funnier than watching how they take each other off their facebook profiles when they break up," Kimes said.'

...you know, on a related note, I'd just like to voice my lack of respect for anyone who is in a relationship that can be easily monitored on facebook (wall posts, notes, status, photo albums), Myspace (comments, headlines, blogs, bulletins, profile songs), or any other social networking website. Seriously, grow up.

Also, eHarmony does not allow homosexuals to 'eHarmonize'... discuss.

elmrockcity said...

I just saw your crazed facebook posting--you're like a civil liberties activist for online social networks.

Rich said...

i saw this article too (because my dad is obsessed with the wedding announcements for some reason) and i was very impressed that this guy wrote the "Bizarro Jerry" episode, one of my all-time favorites. i was less impressed with his "star wars" collection, but who am i to judge? a little imdb research shows that he also co-wrote "Eurotrip"!!!

The Chaunce said...

Billions?? Gee Mr. Mendel, that sounds impossible!

Bryan said...

I have to ask what the whole deal with erc is. I mean are you referencing yourself in the third, or is erc imaginary, or real but not in our universe. You'd think my creative writing major would help, but lets face it, it's pretty worthless.

Molly said...


I promised I'd let you know how my date with da chef turned out. Here's what happened: he took me to a passé Cuban restaurant, revealed himself to be of Mormon stock, said "cripes" twice and then ordered sangria. I spent the time concentrating on my pork and thinking of escape routes.